The Replacements
by OverMaster
Summary: With the recent news of Mahou Sensei Negima's cancellation, the Zetsubou crew rises to the challenge of taking Negima's place! Wait, what? One shot, parody.


Kumeta Koji owns_ Sayonara, Zetsubou Sensei_

Akamatsu Ken owns _Mahou Sensei Negima._

OverMaster doesn't own either of them, and he isn't making a single cent out of this.

No celebrities or animals were harmed in the making of this fanfic.

With the Kaere stuff out of the way already, let's start!

**The Replacements**

"Your attention, please!" Itoshiki slammed both hands down on the desk, opening the day's lessons with an unusual energy that made all the students actually take notice. "As you'll no doubt have learned by now, our longtime Unknown Rival manga, Mahou Sensei Negima!, is coming to an end in only four chapters!"

"What?-!" Kimura Kaere yelled. "I just invested a small fortune on buying all the back volumes on a recommendation! They can't do this to me! I'll sue those bastards for monetary harm and false premises! Because they sure never warned me about this!"

"I think we're the Unknown Rival, not the other way around, Sensei..." Abiru opined.

"You're perfectly right, of course. My apologies," the teacher said.

"No, it's my fault! Sorry, sorry, sorry!" Ai eeped from the back of the class.

"Still, " Itoshiki continued, "with Negima's departure, Kumeta-sensei has said this is the time to outdo his hated rival Akamatsu and fill his niche, which I hope is a completely heterosexual desire. To do so, we must replace Negima as this editorial's main action and fanservice franchise."

"Well, we already have the fanservice part pat down!" Harumi said, casually flipping Kaere's skirt up and revealing some lovingly designed panties with _El Chapulín Colorado_ hearts imprinted all over them.

"AH!" Kaere said. "I'll sue you! Se aprovechan de mi nobleza!"

"Well, yes, but what are we going to do about the action requirements? Kaga-san is a ninja, but not a very good one, and the rest of us aren't fighters!" intervened Kitsu Chiri.

No one in the class dared to point out the fact Chiri was more dangerous with a spade than all of Ala Alba and Rubra put together.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Kaga Ai whined again. "I'm sorry I'm not a good, useful ninja like Sakura-san and Tenten-san! Also, I'm sorry I can't fill your Action Girl quota! Sorry!"

"Sakura and Tenten are useful?" Harumi blinked twice. "Ewww! Gross girls only get in the middle of perfectly good Sasunaru and Nejilee action!"

"Harumi-chan, _we_ are girls!" Nami had to remind her.

Meru began sending some poison e-mail. _ey dere Kishi, its me again. ur latest chapter suxxed hard, an u still cant write females 2 save ur life. u got gender problems or what?_

"Never mind that," Itoshiki-sensei said. "To make up for our physical weakness, Rin has offered to lend us the Itoshiki Family's Room of Time and Space to undergo Training from Hell!"

Nozomu's young, delectable and nubile sister Rin posed with her rear end conveniently perked up, unfolding a large set of schematics all over the blackboard. "These are the Room's blueprints. It's located in our Polynesian tropical mansion, so we may have audience-grabbing fanservice when we aren't training. Inside of it, one year of training passes while it's only one hour in the outside!"

"But if we keep using that thing, we'll become old people here quickly!" Nami protested, with a cartoon drop attached to her head. Which, for an anime character, was normal.

"I've thought of that, too. That's why we're going on a deadly token quest to find the Elixir of Shonen Immortality first!" Rin explained. "With it, we all will become truly unkillable punching bags for the villain so we can stall him until my heroic Oniisama can defeat him! Plus, the quest will fill eleven tankoubon that will quickly become highly collectible items!"

"I refuse to drink such a thing!" Nozomu yelled. "I have enough problems dying as it already is!"

"But Oniisama, I've mentioned the quest is deadly!" Rin said.

"In that case, " he argued, "I'll go get it myself. I can't risk you, my students, in such a dangerous enterprise!"

"Ah, Sensei is so thoughtful!" Kafuka beamed a soul-enlightening huge smile. "But you're all wrong! Wht makes Negima such a great manga isn't action, fights or fanservice!"

"Ah, no? Then what is it?" Chiri asked.

"Why, Chiri-chan, it's LOVE!" Kafuka opened her arms widely. "Because Love conquers it all, and NEGIMA IS LOVE! And _Doing the Research_!"

"Aren't you talking about the same manga where the girls chased their ten year old supposed loved one and forced a leek up his ass to control his mind?" Harumi questioned.

"Maybe we should start by practicing that part," Chiri pondered. "We have no ten year olds at hand, and yes, I'm purposefully forgetting Majiru-kun, but Sensei here should suffice..."

"You do enough of that in a routine basis already!" said Itoshiki.

"We follow too much of a regular schedule, " Kaere said next. "We must start taking more random break weeks and cover them up with weak research excuses! And if the editors get lippy, we'll sue them over abusing our rights!"

"Let's see, " Matoi began taking a full list on a notepad, like a dutiful secretary. "SHAFT anime adaptation, check. Most of the same seiyuu, check. Large, mostly unexplored and underused cast, check, although we still need a few dozens more to waste. I'll call Unequally Me and ask her if they have some spares. Eternal Unsolved Sexual Tension, check..."

"GAH!" Itoshiki looked behind himself. "You were there?-!"

"Yes, always," Matoi nodded. "Let's see, what did Negima have that we don't? Good action sequences, actual villains, a real sense of danger here and there, two manga spinoffs, a live action adap— well, this is a plus for us. A hot cosplayer wife, more Memetic Mutation status, videogames, love pillows, actual magic, the Ura Jamma series, Gambler Club doujin, GUST— No, wait, that's another edge we have. Gunfights, Mamiko Noto, girls kissing each other (ew, I'll never understand Unequally Me), talking animals, Jack Rakan, an extra world to play with, a plot to save the world, a cosplayer character who is actually pretty..."

"HEY!" Kotokon said.

Itoshiki gasped. "I hadn't realized they had so much over us! How could we ever compare? It's an impossible task! We aren't worthy! DESPAIR! THE FACT NEGIMA WAS CANCELLED BEFORE US HAS LEFT ME IN DESPAIR!"

"Ah, but we're much more clever, Sensei!" Kafuka pointed out very peppily. "Because we actually make sharp social satire!"

"And our stories don't drag for dozens of chapters before delivering a rushed, unsatisfactory conclusion!" Harumi said then.

"Harumi-chan, have you been reading Over Master-san's essays again?" asked Okusa Manami.

"Hey, I'm his second favorite Zetsubou Girl!" the mangaka said. "He must have good taste! He actually prefers me to Haruna!"

"But most of all, this isn't a pedo manga!" Chiri stated, very proud and smiling.

Itoshiki caressed his chin. "You know, you might be on something there. Although I have a nagging feeling of sorts we shouldn't be throwing stones there, either..."

_At Itoshiki's house, Majiru gentle caressed Kiri's face as he took her from behind..._

"There's something else Negima didn't have, but we do! Teen boy fanservice!" Usui Kagero intervened loudly, stepping out of non existence to rip his shirt open and show his flaccid, scrawny, pale chest off. "BITE ON THIS BEEFCAKE!" and he started to undulate his hips around.

Maria jumped up to kick him in the head. "Who are you?-!"

_After drawing this scene, Kumeta Koji will take a break to recover properly and research on how to draw good looking boys (although he already draws Jun, Kino and Haga). __See you in two weeks!_


End file.
